dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
