My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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