dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
