I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
