Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
