WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
