i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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