so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
