I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
