My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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