so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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