Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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