If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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