Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
