remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
