the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
