I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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