Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
