I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
