watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize