I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jerry, you need to find god
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
