I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize