The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
