Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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