onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
