you traded sex for a burrito?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize