his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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