Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
