I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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