what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
now i know why i became what i already was.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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