He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
