I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
wow bdsm is so cute
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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