Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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