So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize