tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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