what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
