i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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