i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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