new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
