I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
