and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
