There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
