I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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