Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
