I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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