woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
