When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
