remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
