hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
