I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said her name was "party"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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