she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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