Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
