I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
