There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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