If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I looked at my own cervix.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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