she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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