Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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